By Fr. Kelvin Ugwu, MSP
This question demanding that I should explain the Bible story of fish swallowing Jonah is a setup.
All of you know that it is a setup. Because where can I even start?
Many of you are experts in biology and zoology. Some of you are even ichthyologists that study fish and their behaviour. You know this thing more than me. You want to put me in a corner since you know that I am a priest. You want to see exactly what I will say.
That thing you think I won’t say, I will say it. Fish cannot swallow a human being. Full stop. No fish has that capacity.
Not even the whale shark that is known as the biggest fish in the world. Even though it is capable of growing up to 59 feet long and weighing about 21,500 kilograms, it still cannot swallow any human. For perspective, an average SUV weighs between 1,588kg and 2,268kg but this fish can weigh 21,500kg. Incredible!
Yes, you know why I have to make the above clear? The simple reason is, before we even begin to analyse how Jonah survived after being ‘allegedly’ swallowed, we must first establish whether a fish can even swallow a human being in the first place.
Take it or leave it, no fish, no one has the capacity to swallow a human baby, not to talk of a full-grown man. Fish throats are small. Very small. Roughly the size of a human fist or an orange. If it attempts to swallow a human, it will choke. Fish will not kill itself in a bid to feed.
But I know what you’re thinking. . .
Let me help you.
You’re thinking of a whale…
Well, I am sure you know that a whale is not a fish. If you don’t know this, kindly return your school fees to me.
The question you people ask me is to explain how fish swallowed Jonah and he survived, not how Whale or sea creature swallowed Jonah.
And even at that, whales too cannot swallow a full human being—whether baleen whales or toothed whales.
Yes, they have massive mouths, but just like sharks, their throats are narrow.
Okay, let me be fair.
Maybe there is one whale that can try.
I asked Google.
Google said that only the toothed whale, particularly the sperm whale, might be able to do so, because it has a relatively large oesophagus. And even that would be by accident, not intentional.
This is why there is no scientifically verified record of a sperm whale ever swallowing a human.
And even if, by some cosmic joke, it happens, the person will die almost immediately from asphyxiation. There is no breathable air inside the whale. There is methane gas. The whale has a four-chambered stomach, highly acidic. Within hours, digestion begins.
So let us agree on this much:
It is biologically impossible for a fish to swallow a human wholly and keep him alive.
Now that we have cleared the ground… the real question begins.
If no fish can swallow Jonah, then what exactly is this story doing in the Bible?
(And this is why you should watch out for part two and call your neighbors to come and take the front seat.)
#PurestPurity
